


Learning to love

by ctrlaltdeletemyself



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anorexia, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Aquaphobia, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Boys In Love, Camille Belcourt Being An Asshole, Eating Disorders, Good Parent Maryse Lightwood, Ideas for chapters welcome, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Roommates, Siblings, Supportive Magnus Bane, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 07:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26469211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ctrlaltdeletemyself/pseuds/ctrlaltdeletemyself
Summary: Alec is 17 and battling his own demons. It gets worse being sent to an inpatient mental health facility by his parents. He hates the idea of going but maybe his new roommate, Magnus, can change his mind.They both begin to help each other with their lives and realise their feelings.Certain struggles get in the way but they can help one another, together.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Max Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 41
Kudos: 92





	1. Idris Care

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, welcome to this fic. Few quick notes:  
> \- obviously check the tags as some things may be triggering or just not your style  
> \- if you have any ideas, criticisms or notes PLS comment them (I live on feedback)  
> \- these characters belong to Cassandra Clare  
> \- also, let me know if I need to add something to the tags.  
> Thanks.

It was eerily quiet in the car that day, but to be honest Alec was kind of glad. 

  
Alec's eyes watched as they passed by the houses, but he couldn’t focus on anything. His mind was fuzzy, hazy… he couldn’t understand why? It was only a month ago that he was celebrating his 17th birthday, when his siblings were happy, when his family was oblivious to everything going on. 

  
But now here he was, his dad driving his to some madhouse hoping that his disappointment of a son could ‘get better’. All Alec could think was that there was nothing wrong. Only sick people needed to get better, he wasn’t sick. Like his father said, he was just being overly dramatic. 

  
Alec’s hand gripped harder at the photo in his hands, it was a crumpled-up photo of Max, Jace and Izzy all happy and laughing. Alec could remember when he would spend hours into the night staring at the photo, staring at their smiling faces. He loved his siblings more than anything, they were what helped him through the sleepless nights… they were what kept him alive. Alec couldn’t help but replay that morning over and over in his head. His dad ripping him away from his sibling. Alec watching as their tears fell and heard the sounds of their crying. Alec had caused all of this; he had made this happen and all he could think about was how his siblings were the ones suffering for it. How his parents had torn him away from the only people he truly loved and… 

  
“Alec?”

Speak of the devil. Alec looked over to see his father staring at him. It was only now that he realised the car had stopped and they were a small parking lot.

  
“Alec, pay attention! We’re here!”

  
Alec’s eyes looked up to see a large building in front of them. **‘it looks like a mix between a hotel and a hospital’** he thought as his eyes scanned the brick building, past the rows of windows to the sign that stared back at him:

  
IDRIS CARE  
INPATIENT MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC FOR CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS 

  
Alec barely notices when his father opens the door beside him, “Alec hurry up we haven’t got all day.” His legs dragged him out the car, grabbing his overstuffed duffel bag from the backseat. 

  
Taking one last look at the crumpled picture in his hands, Alec stuffed it into his back pocket and began walking towards the door. **‘Maybe if I start running now, they won’t catch me’** he thought, but his father quickly pushed that thought away as he grabbed Alec’s arm and practically pulled him all the way into the building. Alec felt the tense grip of his father’s hand on his bicep, digging into the skin, as he was dragged towards the front desk.

Sitting behind the computer screen was a tall woman, busy typing away at the keyboard, her red hair pulled back into a loose bun. So focused on her computer, she didn’t notice the two men walk up to her desk, until a forced cough made its way from Roberts throat.

“Good afternoon sir, how can I help you?”, her voice was soft and sweet, and her smile seemed genuine towards the pair. His father’s tone changed, his professional manner showing through as he squared his shoulders.

  
“My wife talked with you on the phone, I'm here to drop off my son”

  
“Ahh yes, you must be Mr lightwood, we will be able to get Alec signed in. If you could just fill out these forms, whilst I call Dr Loss down here.”

  
As Robert sighed and went to fill out the stacks of paper, Alec finally looked around. The room was like a hospital, clean white walls, uncomfortable-looking seats, walls littered with tacky inspirational posters and the most hideous brown carpet he had ever seen. This was like his hell.

Alec shuffled uncomfortably in the silence, the only noise being the scratching of his father’s pen and the distant hum of the water cooler sitting idly in the corner.

  
Thankfully, the silence was broken by a glass door opening beside them, revealing a tall woman, dark skin, her hair tied back in two braids. Her eyes locked onto Alec immediately and he couldn’t help but lower his gaze from the smiling woman.

  
“Hi, I'm Catarina Loss, I'm the doctor in charge of Alec’s care while he will be staying with us here.” Catarina’s hand met Robert’s, her smile seemingly lighting up the room. “Hope you haven’t had to wait too long” she turned to Alec. “You must be Alec, its lovely to meet you.”

  
Alec didn’t look up, instead choosing to star at her outstretched hand. As if sensing his tension, Catarina withdrew her hand, her smile still beaming but with a look of understanding in her eyes. This was in contrast to Robert, who instantly turned to Alec, coming close enough to almost whisper to his son.

  
“Alec...” he said through gritted teeth, “Don’t be rude!”

  
But Alec stood there still, his body tensing at his father’s voice.

  
“Seriously Alec?! Your acting like a child! This is for you own good, you’re here to get better. Your mother and I don’t need this rebellious teenage attitude from you, now behave!”

  
Alec kept his gaze down, his hand picking at the sleeve of his sweater. A faint whisper came from his mouth. “sorry…sir…” 

  
Catarina, hoping to save this poor boy from his fathers’ wrath cleared her throat, alerting the men to her presence once again. “How about we get Alec settled in, I'm sure you don’t want to sit around here all day? Hmm?” She was focused on Alec, watching as he stood tensed by his father as if he wanted the ground to open up underneath him. 

  
“sure…” 

  
“Great, Mr Lightwood would you like to say goodbye and I’ll take that paperwork off your hands.” She gestured towards the sheets beside him.

  
“Yes, thank you…” he turned towards Alec, “… now please try and behave. You’re here to get better but that doesn’t give you an excuse to slack off. This is for your own good, remember?”

  
“...yes sir.”

  
“Okay, well I should get going otherwise I’ll be late back.” And with that, he was out the door. Alec stood there staring at the doors, watching the silhouette of his father disappear. **‘not even a fucking goodbye’** he thought. **‘not even my own father cares about me’**.

  
“Well we got rid of him, didn’t we?” Alec's attention was brought back to Catarina as she talked, this time, her formal, professional voice gone, and she talked as if she were one of his friends. “Come on why don’t we get you signed in, then I can show you to your room, Ok?”

  
Alec followed her as she went back through the doors, leading her way through a maze of corridors. He looked around as he walked past the doors catching glimpses of other teens sitting playing video games or chatting around a table. Alec watched their faces as he walked, **‘how could they be so happy?’**.

  
Catarina led him into her office. It was quite a large office, made even more impressive by the floor to ceiling windows covering the back wall. The first thing that hit alec was the stench of disinfectant, to a normal person it would be like every other doctor’s office but to Alec, it brought back too many memories from the past week; the hospital, the check-ups. His fists clutched at his bag as he tensed up, maybe he could still leave, they couldn’t stop him… could they.

The click of the door behind him brushed those thoughts away as quickly as they came, leaving Alec standing motionless in the middle of this office. As Catarina made her way to her desk Alec finally took a look at the room he was in. The wall next to him held yet another stupid inspirational quote:

  
WINNERS ARE NOT PEOPLE WHO NEVER FAIL, BUT THOSE WHO NEVER QUIT.

  
He looked around into the room to see a medical examination bed pushed against the opposite wall, its clinical blue mattress staring back at him. A set of grey plastic chairs sat facing the desk which, unlike everything else here, had a bit of character. Her desk sat facing the door and was surprisingly untidy for a doctor. It was littered with files and paper all placed in rough piles, each one threatening to topple over at any point. Small figurines and colourful plastic bits of clutter were surrounding her keyboard and a small framed picture sat just beside her desktop.

As she sat down ungracefully on her chair, a large pile of sheets fell to the ground, each one gliding through the air in different directions.   
Finally realising that he was just standing there watching this happen, Alec dropped his bag and knelt down gathering the few bits of paper that had fallen near him. 

  
“Ughh… it was bound to happen at some point. Thanks for picking them up though, Alec… Alec?”

  
But he was paying no attention to her, his back was turned, and he knelt there, frozen. He had turned around in order to gather the paper but had stopped as soon as he saw it. Tucked away in the corner of the room, hidden from sight when he first walked in was…

_the weighing scales._

Alec hadn’t noticed that his breath had hitched, nor had he noticed the faint shaking of his still outstretched hand. He didn’t understand why he was reacting this way, maybe it was the memories he’d rather forget, or the distant voice in the back of his head or just the realization that this was real, that he wasn’t going home anytime soon… and it was all due to _this_.

  
“Alec? Are you okay?”, her delicate voice cut through the silence, alerting Alec to her presence once again. Breathing slowly, he quickly turned around, his hand rushing to place the sheets back on her desk.

  
“y…yeah, I'm fine, just t.. tired I guess.” He could tell by the doctors’ expression that she knew this wasn’t true but sensing the tension in the room she was smart to let it slide, Alec didn’t know what more he could take right now.

“Why don’t you sit down love, I'll go through everything and then we can get you to your room?” A faint smile made its way across her face as he settled down in the chair. He kept his gaze lowered, staring down at his tattered sneakers.

  
“So I take it you know the reasons why you’re here, but before we start with anything I want to remind you that this is not a punishment, you’re here so that you can get better, okay?”

  
**‘My dad doesn’t seem to think so’** Alec wanted to tell her but kept his mouth shut, instead choosing to focus on pulling at the threads of his sweater. He could hear the quiet sigh from Catarina, she’d obviously hoped that he would talk to her or at least acknowledge what she was saying, but Alec couldn’t care, he wanted nothing more than to shrink back into the chair and close himself off.

But to no avail, as he saw when Catarina quickly got up from her chair and reached to pick up Alec’s abandoned duffel back. 

  
“Now, it is policy for me to check your bag before you come in here, normally this would take quite a while but I see you haven’t packed much.” Alec watched as she settled the bag on the empty examination bed, he could feel the fear growing inside him. He'd never liked people going through his stuff, even when he knew there was nothing to hide. But his time was different, this time there was something that he didn’t want her to find.

All he could do was sit there silently watching as the doctor began to unzip the bag. The noise of it echoing through the silence of the room. 

  
“Now I'm gonna ask this now before I check, for the sake of honesty, is there anything in here that you know you shouldn’t have, for example, drugs or alcohol?” Alec stayed silent, he knew that she would find it but a part of him hoped, thought maybe that she would make a mistake that he would get away with it. But who was he kidding? 

  
He brought his head up to look over at her as she began to dive into his bag, pushing aside the see of black clothes. The first thing for here to pull out was a black, leather belt that she placed aside coiled on the bed. “I'm afraid you can’t have belts due to safety concerns.”

  
Alec couldn’t help but be confused by this, what did they think he was gonna do… hang himself? He wasn’t suicidal, he knew that for sure. As much as he hated everything, he could never bring himself to do that, some might think that it was weak, but he cared too much, about Jace, Izzy, Max. He couldn’t imagine leaving them, but then here he was miles away from his siblings being forced to leave them. But it wasn’t forever, he had to keep reminding himself that, if not for his sake but there’s. 

  
The next item for her to pull out was his phone, the black, cracked screen gleaming in the light streaming through the windows. “I’ll have to take this as well, we have phones you can use and all your family’s contacts.” Alec didn’t really care, he knew he hardly used it anyway, it was a second-hand phone from Jace, and the screen had cracked a long time ago.

  
Alec’s attention was quickly brought back when Catarina’s hand emerged holding a small matchstick box. Alec quickly tensed up and he could feel his heart beating through his chest. 

  
“Well, obviously we can have these due to a fire hazard and….” Catarina watched as Alec tensed up, his eyes fixing on the box. She could tell something was off.

  
Alec watched as she slid the box open and heard the disappointed sigh radiate throughout the room.

_She had found it._

He watched as she pulled out the singular blade, her eyes focusing purely on the object as if something else was hidden beneath it.

All Alec could do was look down, avoiding her gaze and await the onslaught of punishment he thought was coming. But all he heard was her soft voice break through the silence. “Well, we can talk about this in your therapy but for now I'm going to put this in the bin and place your other items in a storage bin, okay?”

Alec couldn’t help but look up and see the small reassuring smile on Cat’s face. It was unlike any other reaction he had got; anger, pity, disappointment, confusion. This one was just the look of understanding and reassurance.

  
Alec watched as Catarina returned to her desk and started rummaging around in her many piles of mess until she emerges brandishing a small light blue strip of paper. “Now this is just a temporary wristband to tell us who you are but don’t worry you’ll get an official one soon, here?”

She handed forward the wristband and he quickly attached it to his wrist. “Now why don’t you grab your bag and I’ll take you to your new room?”.

Swiftly, Alec stood up grabbing and zipping up his bag on the table. He was eager to escape this room, he couldn’t stand another minute in this place let alone the doctors office.

He obediently followed Cat out of the room and began wandering along another series of hallways, their plain beige walls repeating again and again.

Zoning out, Alec looked down at his new accessory, twisting the wristband to read:

  
‘TEMPORARY PATIENT ID: ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD, DOCTOR: CATARINA LOSS’

  
“Well, here we are then,” Catarina had stopped outside the door, an open gesture for him to go in. Regretfully, Alec stumbled in, gripping hold of his bag more forcefully than ever.

Any normal person would have walked in the room and noticed the obvious; the two beds, the posters, the colour, anything, but surprisingly Alec noticed none of that.

The moment Alec entered the room his eyes locked on to only one thing… the beautiful man lying on the bed in front of him.

“Alec, this is your new roommate.”

  
Alec watched as the boy looked up revealing his beautiful hazel, glittered eyes and watched as they stared back at him.

“Hi, I'm Magnus…”


	2. "He talks?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec gets introduced to his new roommate and begins to feel homesick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been catching up with work. here's the new chapter, hope you like it.  
> There are no trigger warnings however this chapter does introduce certain main topics about the story [some previously mentioned in tags] so if any of it seems like it could be triggering, please don't read.

“Hi, I’m Magnus…” 

Alec watched as he gracefully pulled himself off the bed. He seemed to be dressed in a navy shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows to show off his beautiful arms. Rings covered a few of his fingers each one gleaming against the light in a different way. **‘he’s way too overdressed for this place’**

“Magnus, what are you wearing?”, Cats smirk stuck back on her face as she stepped towards Magnus.

  
“You know me Cat, I'm not going to sit around in some boring pyjamas all day, plus I have a guest, I have to impress him, don’t I beautiful?”

Magnus’ gaze returned back to Alec. He stood there staring at this stunning man, whose ring clad hand stretched out to shake his. Alec could only stare at him though, his hands rooted by his sides.

Now noticing that he was standing awkwardly quiet in the middle of this room, Alec looked away from the others gaze, down towards the horrible carpet.

“hey….”.

Like the angel that she was, Catarina quickly turned the attention away from Alec.

“Magnus can I talk to you outside and we’ll give Alec a chance to settle in.” Giving Alec one last glance, Magnus followed Catarina out, closing the door behind him. As soon as Alec heard the click of the door, his whole body relaxed, and he breathed out in relief. **‘Why couldn’t I just act normal for once!’**

  
He walked over to the empty bed and saw just how different it was to Magnus’. Alec’s bed was neatly made with a simple grey duvet, next to it was an empty bedside table and a bare wall. To be honest, not that different from his actual bedroom. He looked over to Magnus’ side of the room, looking across every detail. His duvet was covered in a beautiful deep red satin cover and was covered in elegantly designed pillows. The sheets were drawn back and on the bed was a small pile of magazines that he had obviously been reading before he was interrupted. The wall beside his bed was covered in all sorts of pictures, drawings and other colourful things. The pictures were filled with him and obviously his friends, some at lavish parties, some even had him holding a cat. There were quite a few but as he looked over, he couldn’t help but notice that there were none of his family. **‘maybe he’s an only child, maybe he doesn’t like his parents’** he couldn’t blame him. Alec couldn’t stand his parents, especially since everything that had happened.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled photo, trying his best to smooth it out. He slowly sat down on the edge of his bed, placing his bag beside him. he looked back down at the photograph, smiling at the memories it brought back. He could remember running around chasing Max, sneaking out the house with Jace or staying up late with Izzy because she had a nightmare. They all seemed like distant memories now. Taken away from him in an instant.

A drop of water landed on the photo and Alec realised he had been crying. He blinked back his tears, reaching his arm up to wipe away the evidence from his face. His attempts useless as the tear glided down his cheeks. And as if things couldn’t get any worse, the sound of the door opening brought Alec back to his feet. 

  
Alec’s eyes were immediately met with the sight of Magnus and he was finally able to see him in full. Magnus seemed to sparkle in the light before him, all the way from his shoes to the tips of his hair. His dark eyeliner accentuated his beautiful hazel eyes that look almost as if they glowed. Everything about this boy was perfect and here Alec stood, his eyes red from crying and his knuckles white from the death grip he had on the photo.

  
“So, roomie, how are…... Are you okay?”

Alec regretfully turned away, his mouth mumbling some sorry excuse of a reply. He turned his back to Magnus, quickly shoving the photo under the pillow. He knew he had no reason to hide it from Magnus and truly, he was hiding it from himself, so he wouldn’t have to be reminded. A picture like that shouldn’t end up in a place like this, it should bring him happiness, not be used to drown out the pain in here. He couldn’t do that to his siblings. 

  
“So…. Are you sure you’re okay?” Alec didn’t know how to talk to this man, it was like he had lost control of his voice. All he could do was repeat the dreaded phrase once again and hope he wouldn’t have to say any more.

  
“…I'm fine”

  
Alec heard a huff come from Magnus who nonchalantly laid back against his wall facing Alec. 

  
“so darling, how long are you here for?’

_Silence_

“Do you have any hobbies?”

_Silence_

“not much of a talker, are you?”

Alec hated this, couldn’t stand it. So, with the loudest voice he could gather ( _which was only slightly louder than a whisper_ ) Alec asked: “what’s that…. On your wrist?”.

  
Looking down Magnus could see what Alec was talking about. The plastic wristband sitting idly on his wrist.

“so, he does speak.” A smirk appearing on Magnus’ face.

“it’s a name band, it’s got all the things the doctors need to know about me. Here, look” Magnus stood up and made his way over to Alec, wary of how close he got. It took Alec a moment to realise what was happening, but he looked up at the wristband on Magnus’ outstretched hand and read.

  
**PATIENT ID: MAGNUS BANE, PATIENT OF: DR LOSS, PANIC DISORDER, PTSD, AQUAPHOBIA, ALLERGIES: NONE**

  
“what’s aquaphobia?” Alec looked up to Magnus’ face, surprised to see the smirk grin gone and instead his eyes refusing to meet Alec’s.

“… it’s a fear of water, it’s one of the main reasons why I'm in hear”. Alec could notice to hesitation in Magnus’ word.

“I'm sorry I shouldn’t have asked I…”

  
“no, it's fine. At least I got you to talk” and with that Magnus’ grin grew back on his face, sending a rush of warmth through Alec. **‘god, he so beautiful’.**

Magnus switched his focus to Alec’s wristband slowly reaching his hand to take Alec’s, giving him time to draw it back. Under normal circumstances, Alec would have immediately flinched at the touch but something about Magnus made him feel safe like how he did with his siblings, but different.

**TEMPORARY PATIENT ID: ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD, DOCTOR: CATARINA LOSS’**

  
“Alexander? … I like it.” Alec normally hated being called that, but the way Magnus said it, it was beautiful. A grin grew on Alec’s face, a rare piece of beauty in Magnus’ eyes, but just as quickly as it appeared, it left when Magnus asked:

“Why are you here?”

  
Alec quickly retracted his hand from the gentle grasp, instead grabbing at the frayed edges of his sweater.

“…I…. Umm…”

  
Sensing his mistake, Magnus quickly apologised, “I'm so sorry Alec, I shouldn’t have asked, that was stupid of me” Magnus started to turn away, realising that he probably fucked up until he heard a small whisper come from Alec.

“Alec?”

  
Clearing his throat Alec looks back up nervously,

“...You can call me Alexander, …if you want”.

Once again Magnus face lit up with a grin, as he looked back at Alec.

“Alright then Alexander”

The two were quickly interrupted by a gentle knock on the door, introducing a relaxed-looking Catarina.

“I see you two are getting on well”. 

“what did I tell you Cat, I'm just _irresistible_ ,” Magnus said sarcastically.

“well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to interrupt as I have Alec’s official wristband” Cat reached into her coat pocket, retrieving a small plastic wristband much like Magnus’. She strode over to Alec gesturing for his wrist. 

  
“Finally found it under all that mess, huh?” Magnus wandered back over to his bed, lazily falling down over the magazines and pillows.

Alec looked back up to Cat, who was now patiently waiting for his wrist, muttering something under her breath about Magnus. Unlike before Alec was hesitant. He couldn’t understand why, with Magnus, he didn’t even think about it but now, here with Cat he didn’t like the idea of letting them touch him. Still, what more could he do when she took his arm gently and wrapped the wristband around, fastening it in place.

She stepped back to talk to Magnus, saying something about…. to be honest Alec wasn’t listening, he was too busy looking down reading his new accessory.

  
**PATIENT ID: ALEXANDER LIGHTWOOD, PATIENT OF: DR LOSS, ANXIETY, ANOREXIA NERVOSA AND SELF-HARM, ALLERGIES: NONE**

**‘fuck’**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any suggestions please leave a comment. I'm very active in checking them and live for constructive criticism. Anyway, again, hope you liked the chapter.


	3. Sibling's love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, finally a new chapter. I know a lot of you were hoping for the next one and I'm glad to know you're enjoying it. I decided to focus on Alec's relationship with his siblings as I find their relationship so sweet.
> 
> Warnings that there are details of:  
> references self-harm  
> eating disorder  
> so, of course, be aware of that. 
> 
> I hope you like it!

Alec never really hung out with anyone, choosing to spend most of his time in his room, reading or playing with Church. It was nice to be alone and away from all the drama of ‘friends’. Alec mainly had his siblings but how could he complain, they were the light of his life. Sometimes his siblings would drag him out, often to parties and of course, Alec loved his siblings, but he always ended up as the designated driver and of course, his unconditional love for them was his downfall.

FLASHBACK

21st August – Friday night – 1 month ago

“Come on Alec, pleaseee?” Isabelle begged him in the reflection of her vanity mirror, much like every Friday night.

“You promised you would come, its Clary’s birthday, everyone gonna be there!!”.

Alec stood in her doorway, watching as she elegantly applied another layer of makeup. He could never understand why she wore makeup, she was already beautiful in his eyes, all of her features naturally perfect. She paused her makeup, turning in her chair to face Alec

“Please?”.

How could Alec say no to her, ever since she was little, he loved her more than the earth itself. And even then, no one could say no to that look she gave, like a puppy staring up at you.

“Fine I’ll go, but don’t expect me to enjoy it” Isabelle leapt out of her chair, barrelling towards her brother, crushing him into a hug with a huge grin stuck to her face. Alec couldn’t help it as a small grin grew on his face and he wrapped his arms around the small frame of his dear little sister, pulling her in close.

And that’s how he ended up later that night, huddled in the corner of the room at one of the biggest parties of the year.

This was hell, standing in a crowded room full of drunk, horny teenagers who can’t dance to save their lives. Alec wondered why he ever even entertained the thought of coming but then again, who could get past the will power of Isabelle Lightwood.

It was around three hours in when things started to get really wild as the many cocktails began to sink in and the crowd began to get really drunk. To them, it must have been the time of their lives, but to Alec, the only sober one in the room, it was just horrifying. Their loud music beating so hard Alec could feel it in his chest.

It was the final straw when some girl came sauntering over, lips pursed ready to make out with a full-on stranger, in this case, Alec.

Quickly, he made his escape, squeezing through the crowd, desperate not to be attacked by more intoxicated teens.

 **‘Where the hell is Izzy?’** Being as tall as he was Alec could see the room fully, each head turning and bouncing along with the music, but no Izzy.

“Yo, Alec!”

He quickly turned around to see the nerdy boy walk over.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were here?” Simon’s speech slightly slurred as he struggled to stay upright.

Alec didn’t have time for this, completely ignoring the drunk mess in front of him, he peered around Simon, looking into the other room, hoping for a sight of his sister.

“If you’re looking for Izzy, she went outside like half an hour ago,” Finally paying attention to the boy, Alec’s ears pricked “I was gonna check up on her, but man is she scary when she’s angry.”

**‘Angry?’**

And with that Alec was gone, heading straight for the door.

Stepping outside was like a sigh of relief, the noise of the music drowned out to a distant racket as the door shut behind him. The night’s air was cold, with the wind pricking against his skin and running through his jet-black hair. In the newfound silence, Alec could hear the distant sounds of whimpering.

Looking over, it took him a second to realise it, the small curled up body against the house… Izzy!

“Izzy?! Oh my god, are you okay?” Alec quickly ran over dropping to the floor, reaching his hand out to the sobbing Isabelle in front of him. She lifted her head up revealing her tear-filled eyes and the smudged mascara lining her cheeks.

“…. I hate boys…there so fucking annoying…” He sighed, looking at his sister like this, as she sobbed, he couldn’t stand this. Bringing his arms up, Alec wrapped his arms around her, stroking his hands through her silky hair.

It was only then that Alec realised just how cold she was, as he looked down at her short silvery dress and heels which lay on the ground next to them.

“Shit... Izzy, you’re freezing!”. Alec quickly removed his jacket, wrapping it around her, trying everything to warm her up. She cuddled into his jacket, curling into herself.

Left in only his t-shirt, he felt exposed. His arms littered in scars, painted along his arm like stripes, left out in the open for anyone to see, for anyone to judge. He needed to get home, away from prying eyes.

The ride back was quiet, but all Alec could hear was the pounding of his heart through his chest. His eyes darted back and forth to his sister, cradled in the passenger seat. Alec realised pretty quickly that Izzy was not gonna notice, on account of her immediately passing out sleeping in the car, but he couldn’t help but fear it. He could, of course, grab his jacket back but he would never have the heart to do that, he cared about his sister excessively and put her comfort and happiness above everything else.

He slowly pulled up to the house….. **‘Crap!’** the lights were on, blaring down on to the front yard. Alec somehow managed to get Izzy into his arms, freezing as he felt her begin to stir in his arms. Instead, she just huddled closer to him, leaning her makeup smudged face into his chest.

His crossed the lawn and made his way into the house, hesitantly making his way up the stairs, wincing at each creak that the old house made.

Izzy’s room was messy…like really messy. The floor and bed were covered in scrunched up clothes, each looking like a rejected choice for the party. Trying his hardest not to trip, Alec worked his way through the mess, tenderly placing his sister on the bed. He grabbed a blanket, that was strewn upon the floor, and draped it over her, making no attempt to get his jacket back from her death grip.

He looked down at her, although she looked more mature than most and she was in a state already, all Alec could see was his favourite little sister in the whole world. It reminded him of the times he would have to stay up late, watching her fall asleep after her nightmares. He leaned over, stroking her hair away from her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Gently, he backed out of the room, closing the door whilst taking one last glance at his sister. The door shut, and Alec breathed out a sigh, his tired eyes barely staying open. He couldn’t even….

“Alec!?”

The sudden sound of his mother’s voice send panic through his veins. His whole body tensed, unable to move no matter how hard he tried.

“Alec where have you two been, you were meant to be back ages ago and..... dear god…. Alec… your arms….”

END OF FLASHBACK

There are many times in Alec's life where he wishes he could go back. And not fuck up. But this one… this one was his own personal hell. His mother’s face. His siblings’ reactions. The endless shouting from his father. Each moment repeated again and again in his mind until all his life was just the reminder of… this… these things that he did to himself. If only he could go back… just for 5 minutes, none of this stupidity would have happened.

But no. here he is, unpacking his clothes in this stupid place, locked up. What the hell is he meant to do?

Alec’s thoughts were interrupted by a distant noise echoing through the hall.

A bell.

At first, Alec thought he was going crazy, but it wasn’t until he saw other kids walk past the door's window, that he took any real notice.

“What’s going on?” Alec asked as he turned to Magnus, watching as he gracefully jumped out of bed, grinning.

“It's 6:00, we gotta go eat.” Magnus must have noticed when Alec's face froze, his features tensing up. Oblivious to the problem, Magnus sauntered past, opening the door, “don’t worry, the foods not that bad.”

Alec was nervous the entire walk to the cafeteria, digging his fingernails into his hands…waiting…hoping that he could just disappear in an instant.

But alas, that never came as Alec followed Magnus down the corridor into the cafeteria. It was quite large, the walls, a starch white contrasting with the black circular tables dotted around the room. Many of the tables were quite full, each holding a group of kids and what looked to be a staff member, happily sat in front of plates of food. Alec just stood there, like it was high school all over again, wondering where to sit, except this time he didn’t have the safety of his siblings.

“Alec, over here!” his eyes darted over to a table, where Catarina was smiling back at him, beckoning him over. As Alec hesitantly walked over, he saw that on the table were 5 other kids, all chattering away, one of which was Magnus who sat by the only available seat.

As he sat down, Alec looked at the plate of food laid out in front of him, a chicken wrap and a salad. He looked over at the others, watching as they devoured their food. A part of him wished he could do that, eat without a care in the world, without that plaguing voice in the back of his head screaming at him. Instead, here he sat, staring at his food, poking it around with his fork.

He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. So instead he just sat there, leaning his head in his hands, taking no notice in anyone else.

He didn’t know how long he was there for but eventually, someone at his table stood up, leaving their empty plate behind, and walked over to leave. Alec began to rise, his uneaten food left on the table, but was stopped in his tracks by Cat. He didn’t even know how she got around the table so fast, but to be honest he wasn’t paying that much attention.

“Alec you need to finish your food before you can leave,” her voice was kind but had a firmness to it, she knew what he was thinking.

Alec froze, he didn’t want this. His jaw tensed and he looked away from her as if to try and find an escape from this. But he couldn’t, regretfully he sat back down, hiding from the stares of the others at the table and especially from Magnus’. Caterina didn’t leave, instead deciding to sit down in the now-empty seat beside Alec as the rest of the group began to stand up and leave, giving him curious glance as they did.

Alec realised that beside him still sat Magnus, his food finished but his gaze directed towards Alec.

“Listen, Alec, I can’t let you leave until you’ve finished at least half your meal,” her voice was firmer this time but still seemed warm, in a way much like how a mother would speak to her son.

Alec couldn’t handle this, he knew he was hungry, but he didn’t want this, it was too much.

Regretfully, he began to eat. Alec didn’t notice when his hands began shaking, not focusing on much as he tried to block out everything. It was like the voices in his head, the constant berating was dialled to 11, each one screaming in his head. Each bite he took was filled with more regret until he couldn’t anymore.

He dropped his fork onto the plate, making the relaxed Magnus jump back.

“…I’m done…” Alec said through his shaking voice.

In reality, Alec had only eaten half the plate, but it seemed to somewhat satisfy Catarina.

“Alright then, why don’t you two go relax, I’ll be in my office if you need me.” As Cat walked away, Alec began to relax, running his hands through his black hair.

“So, what do you want to do?” Magnus stood up from his seat, facing fully towards Alec.

“What do you mean, can’t we just… I don’t know…sleep?” Alec looked up, lifting his gaze to meet Magnus’ and for a second it was like he forgot everything. It was like when he looked at his sister, everything else didn’t seem to matter. It was like the look of love. **‘wait, no… I'm not…’**

“Afraid not, we’re not allowed back to our rooms for another hour”

Alec didn’t know what to do, he was stuck here. He wasn’t able to be alone or be with his family. He wouldn’t be able to comfort Max if he got a nightmare or help Jace try and sneak out like he always did. He missed them so much. He reached into his back pocket and… fuck... the picture was still in the room, locked away from him. Alec looked back at Magnus, avoiding his eyes this time, “Have you got a phone?”

Magnus led Alec down the corridors once again, each one seemingly a replica of the other, until eventually, they made it into a large room. The walls were covered in small drawings and pictures and inside sat children and teenagers, some reading, some drawing, all of them oblivious to the boy’s entrance.

Alec looked to the furthest wall, spotting the phones from a mile away. He practically tripped over his own feet, as he hurried over to them. Grabbing the phone of the stand, Alec hesitated for a second.

What if they didn’t want to talk to them? What if they didn’t pick up?

Pushing those thoughts aside he began to press down the number pad, each click making his heart race faster. Magnus walked up beside him, and Alec looked over. He watched as the glittery boy leaned against the wall next to him, pulling out a small mirror to check his make-up.

BEEP

Alec could barely hear the ringing over his heartbeat.

BEEP

Maybe he shouldn’t have called? Maybe…

“Hello?...” a small voice answered.

“Max? Hey buddy..” Alec could feel tears prick from the back of his eyes, though he tried to hide it.

“Alec!!?? Where are you? Izzy said you were gone?” Alec could hear the excitement in his voice, he’d always adored his brother. But of course, Max was too young to understand what was going on. It was probably for the better, the little Max knew about this place the better.

“Yeah I’ve just gone away for a bit, don’t worry about me though.” Alec could feel the tears pool in his eyes, threatening to fall.

“Hey, do you want to talk to Jace cause he keeps trying to steal the phone off me” Alec couldn’t help but grin, it was nice to know that somethings never changed with his brothers.

A scuffling noise came over the phone. “Alec!? Is that you?”

“Hey, Jace… umm…” He couldn’t hold it in anymore, it was all too much. His tears began to fall, his voice hitching. “…Jace... I.. I’m so sorry…please… Dad just..told me to pack my stuff… I..I didn’t want to go…” Alec could feel the eyes of the room on him as he whimpered into the phone.

“Hey Alec, please. It’s not your fault, I would never blame you for anything. If anyone should be sorry it’s me, I should have never let you go with him... Alec... we miss you so much,” Jace wasn’t one to show his emotions, but with Alec, they both knew that they were stronger than brothers. They were never ones to hide their emotions from one another, though there had been some exceptions.

“Alec, what’s going on man? Are you okay?” Alec was trying to calm down, sniffling back his tears as he spoke.

“I’m fine, I just... I'm stuck here... I miss you guys... I feel like I’ve fucked everything up”

“Alec you’ve got to stop saying you’re fine, it’s okay to not to be. It’s just... you know you can talk to me right”

“Yeah, I know...” Alec brought his hand up to his face, wiping away his tears with his oversized sleeve.

“Ow.. what the hell Izzy?!” Alec could hear Jace shouting at his sister, it made his heart pang, not being able to be there, just being a normal teenager.

“Oh my god, Alec? Are you okay?” She sounded a lot like him, her voice raw with sadness. He could tell she had taken this the hardest.

“...Izzy.. I..I miss you so much...”

“Alec, I'm so sorry. It's all my fault I didn’t know and then when mom found out I just..... please forgive me, I...” Alec could hear her crying over the phone, it broke his heart. Unlike Alec, who seemed to stutter worse when he cried, his sister seemed to go into a mad frenzy of speaking, leaving him barely able to understand her. He was always there for her but now all he could do was listen and try.

“...Izzy... it's not your fault...please... I would never hate you....i..I just...” it was like he had lost all words.

“it’s okay Alec, I love you... always. I wish....”

All of a sudden, she stopped. Alec could hear the muffled voices argue over the phone. His hand was gripping the phone hard enough that his knuckles were white, desperate to hear something...anything.

“Alec...” This voice was hard, sending chills down Alec’s spine. Gone was any emotion that Izzy once showed and was replaced with this stern voice. Robert.

“Alec it's important that you realise that this is not just about you. What you did has affected all of us. So I think that its best if you didn’t call your siblings until they are used to this, as right now they are getting too emotional. You need to understand that you are there to get better, and until that happens you won’t be coming home.”

“Wait..please..i..” But it was too late. Alec could hear the dial tone ringing in his ear.

His hands' grip on the phone slacked and he heard as it fell against the floor. Slowly, he stepped back, his face frozen. His eyes were red and puffy, filled with tears yearning to fall. His father’s cold tone repeated in his head

_‘What you did’ ‘you won’t be coming home’_

His sisters tears still emblazed in his mind. It was his fault. He couldn’t stop repeating it to himself. His hands balled into fists; he could feel his nails dig into his skin.

He looked up to see that the room was now empty, except for the ever-present Magnus who was looking back at him in worry. He stood shaking and snivelling as Magnus began to approach his arms slightly out. Alec stared back through his tears, seeing the look in Magnus’ eyes. It was a look so rare to Alec. The kind that he would dream about only to wake up to bitter disappointment. It was the look of trust.

And with that Alec lurched forward into the now outstretched arms. His tears began to fall heavily, soaking into Magnus’ shirt as Alec burrowed his face into the crook of his shoulder. He had barely known this man a day yet somehow, he was comfortable, he was trusting. Then again, trust makes you do strange things. Alec felt as arms wrapped around him, slowly stroking his back. Alec had never felt like this... comforted.

Magnus looked down at the shaking boy in his arms, felt as he hugged him tighter. He hadn’t heard the conversation, but he didn’t need to. Magnus knew pain well and seeing this boy made him want to burn the one who did this. Magnus knew in that moment that he was going to get through this and he was going to get this boy through with him.


	4. Hot Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the later upload, life has been crazy especially with Christmas and school. I hope this chapter makes up for my absence and I really hope you enjoy it. This one mainly focuses on the two, a couple days after the last chapter. Also, I was wondering whether to make a chapter in Magnus' POV so if that is something you would be interested in please let me know, if not I am happy to continue with Alec's POV.   
> Hope you like it and Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it. (think of this as my present :-) )

Alec lay in bed, staring up at the bare ceiling, he could hardly bring himself to look at Magnus, his face blushed at the thought of it. He had barely slept last night or any other night, instead laying there listening to the quiet hum of the heaters. It had been years since something like that had ever happened and that was with his mother, yet somehow, he had a full breakdown in front of a boy he had only known for a day.

However, the more he thought about it the more it made sense. He had trusted this boy and for once in his life, he felt understood ... it was strange.

  
“So, do you wanna talk about it?” 

  
Alec turned away, facing the bare wall, his voice slightly muffled by the pillows, “there’s nothing to talk about...”

He could hear the shuffling noises from behind him, but he tried to ignore it, maybe he would just leave him alone...

"Aah!” Alec practically jumped off the bed as soon as the over-decorated cushion hit his head. He turned to look at Magnus who was smirking to himself on his bed. 

“At least I know you're alive.”

Magnus narrowly avoided the pillow as it came hurtling back towards him, giggling to himself like a small child. “Its not my fault for trying to cheer you up, it’s just I want to make sure you’re okay...you know, after the other night” 

“Anyway come on I wanna go do something instead of you pretending I don’t exist, which is precisely what you have been doing for the past few days”

  
Alec sighed; he knew he wasn’t gonna get away from him that easily. He might as well just accept defeat

“What did you have in mind?” 

  
Magnus’ face lit up as he jumped off his bed, clasping his well-manicured hands together.

“Right, come on then” Alec watched as he began to run around the room gathering his bag, some shoes... 

  
“Wait, where are we going?” 

  
“There’s a diner up the road that does the BEST hot chocolate, which is basically the cure for everything” Magnus was still running around his room in a frenzy, before making his way into the bathroom

“WHERE IS MY EYELINER!!!”

  
“wait, I thought that we weren’t allowed out?”

The voice from the bathroom replied loudly “Well... it's only breaking the rules if we get caught”

Magnus popped his head around the door “and I am seriously withering away in here, now go try and find the nicest thing you have.”

And with that Magnus was back in the bathroom, no doubt putting on a plethora of makeup and hair products. Alec wanted to argue, maybe they should just stay here better than getting caught and his dad...Robert finding out he snuck out on the first week, but at this point, he didn’t care what Robert thought of him. He smirked at the empty doorway before turning to his closet of black... everything. This was going to be fun. 

* * *

  
It wasn’t until 30 mins later that Magnus emerged from the bathroom, finally done with his makeup, his eyes glittering against the morning light. Alec looked practically bleak compared to him, instead, wearing a pair of ripped black jeans, a leather jacket he had stolen from Jace and some seriously worn-in boots.

  
“So how do we get out of here, it's not like we can just walk out the front door?”

Alec crossed his arms over his chest, not liking the look that Magnus was giving him.

  
“Well, you brush up well don’t you?” Magnus’ eyes seemed to light up even more as he took in the sight of Alec before him.

  
“.... You didn’t answer my question,” Alec looked away as he felt the blush rush up to his cheeks once again.

  
“Fine, but I liked what I saw,” Alec watched as Magnus made his way over to his bed and ripped one of the pictures of the wall. Underneath the photo (of what looked to be of a small kitten) sat a key card taped to the wall. 

  
“... Where did you get that?” Alec grinned at the boy, it reminded him so much of his sister hiding her fake id in the picture frame next to her bed.

  
“It doesn’t matter, now come on we’ve got 2 hours before Cat comes in for her shift” And with that Magnus grabbed Alec's jacket sleeve and dragged him out the room.

It didn’t take that long for the boys to sneak out, although a few near misses with some of the smaller kids almost got them caught, mainly caused by Magnus laughing at Alec's clumsiness. 

  
They began walking up the road and for once Alec was able to get a full view of the place.

It sat almost in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a large wood. The leaves had begun to fall, leaving the scrawny trees with little patches of orange and brown left on them. As they journeyed on, they both realised that they had severely underdressed as the cold autumn winds swept past them, blowing dead leaves into Magnus’ face, which Alec had to hold back laughing at. The road was still wet with the night's rain and a thin layer of fog lay still in their sight.

It was a quiet walk to the diner, the only noise being the occasional passing car driving past, paying no notice to the two teens idly walking up the road. Every now and then, Alec would steal a glance at his partner, watching as the visible breath left his mouth into the cold air, like that of a dragon or how his hair would bounce ever so slightly as he walked. It was the most peaceful Alec had felt in a while, away from everything else, he felt almost normal for once. 

  
As they approached the diner, Alec turned, astonished about how much they walked, he couldn’t see the hospital anymore, just the empty road. Magnus practically skipped up the steps into the small building, opening the heavy door to a wave of heat and the smell of breakfast and coffee, as a small bell noted their arrival to a waitress across the counter. They made their way to a small booth by the window, ignoring the stares of a few others as a heavily glittered Magnus strutted by. 

  
“What can I get you hun?” Out of nowhere, the very bubbly waitress appeared paper pad and pen in hand, gleaming in Alec's direction.

  
“Umm... I’ll just have a coffee thanks...black,” Alec looked over across the table to see a sarcastic roll of the eyes from Magnus.

  
“I’ll have a medium hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and marshmallows please,”

  
“Ahh the usual, of course Magnus, coming right up” And with that she walked away, leaving the boys alone again.

  
“Black coffees pretty... plain don’t you think?” Magnus gave him that look, though Alec couldn’t describe it, it was much like the one his mother would give him, a sort of gentle smirk. 

  
“Yeah well I practically live off the stuff so...” it was true, Alec hadn’t had a coffee in forever and he was practically leaping out of his seat to get the caffeine though it didn’t look it.

  
“How did you sleep? You know...after the other day?” Magnus’ expression changed yet again, it seemed weird for him to genuinely be concerned but maybe it was his imagination. 

  
“I...Slept I guess. I sorry about what happened though I mean I’ve... only known you f..for a couple of days and...”

  
“Hey it's okay...parents can be fucking horrible sometimes... I would know” Alec was curious, he didn’t know much about this boy, but then again he didn’t want to pry, everyone has their own demons. 

  
Thankfully it didn’t take to long for the waitress to come back, bringing with her the two drinks. Alec laughed to himself, looking at how the drinks really showed how different the two boys were.

Placed in front of Alec was a standard white mug, filled with the dark brown-black bitter brew. Whereas, placed before Magnus was the tall glass filled with a pale brown drink, topped with a towering amount of whipped cream and doused in pink and white marshmallows. It was so perfectly sweet and extra, just like how he saw the boy.

  
He seemed to notice Alec’s staring, as he swiped a dollop of whipped cream on his perfectly painted finger and rapidly reached across the table, dumping the cream onto his nose. Alec quickly reached his sleeve up, rubbing away the sweet cream, listening to Magnus giggling in his seat like a little girl. Alec couldn’t help but crack a smile as he turned back to Magnus, letting out a small chuckle at his state of laughter. 

  
It was nice, for once, just to be able to relax. Magnus didn’t pry any further into what had happened and so neither did Alec, it was like they were normal high school friends. Instead, they just talked, about what they liked, they’re favourite things. Alec was intrigued by what Magnus told him, recounting his antics with great detail and though they seemed oddly alien to Alec, he wasn’t surprised. And unlike his teacher or parents, Magnus just let Alec stay quiet listening to his stories and not once asking Alec to speak, which many people must find strange but to Alec it was perfect. They both knew so much about each other without even having to say it, it was as if they understood purely through each other’s presence. 

  
Unfortunately, all good things had to come to an end, as Magnus jumped up from his seat, scaring the shit out of Alec.

“Crap, have you seen the time, we need to get back!”

Alec watched as Magnus shoved his hands down the pockets of his skinny jeans, producing a handful of coins and dollar bills (which seemed to also have a coating of glitter) and throwing it onto the table. Alec quickly grabbed his jacket, making his way out of the booth and rushed after the boy; who was already out the door. 

  
“Magnus, slow down!” It took Alec a minute to catch up to him, though he had slowed down to a normal pace. 

  
His hand reached out to stop Magnus, leaving him very confused as they faced each other.

  
“Is everything okay Alec?” He looked between the shining eyes in front of him, noting how they lit up in the daylight.

  
“Yeah, I just.... thank you. For being to cool about this, I get that I'm not the friendliest person to have to deal with but...thank you,”

Alec had never said a more thoughtful set of words and deep down he truly meant it. He had never felt acceptance like he did in the past day and seemed to make all his troubles be dimmed down to a gentle hum. 

  
“I... your welcome, I would always want you to be comfortable, and happy. Especially now that I’ve seen your smile...beautiful...”

Alec felt the blush rush to his cheeks though he didn’t hide it, his eyes were locked on to Magnus. If only he could just...

  
His thoughts were interrupted when all of a sudden, a strong force pulled him aside. He could feel Magnus’ grip tugging at his jacket, but it was all so sudden. A deafening rumble passed by him and it wasn’t until he saw the truck meters away, he understood. It barely took him a second to understand what was going on when a large splash hit his face. The truck had been going fast, too fast and gone right through one of the many puddles left in the potholes of the road, the one that the just so happened to be next to where the boys stood. 

  
Alec stared in shock as the mindless truck drove off, swearing under his breath, of course it didn’t take long for his day to be ruined. It was only now that Alec realised the grip on his jacket was now gone, leaving only faint nail marks on the soaked jacket. He turned his gaze to beside him and what he saw...

  
Magnus stood frozen, his muscles tensed all the way to his fingertips. His hair was no longer full of life, but flopped to the side, drenched in water. Wait water... 

  
**_“what’s aquaphobia?” “… it’s a fear of water, it’s one of the main reasons why I'm in here”_ **

  
**‘Shit!!’**

  
It was now that Alec could hear the staggered breath slowly speeding up and see Magnus’ hands begin to shake. He quickly ran over to the boy, ignoring his own fears. 

  
“Magnus...Magnus talk to me!” but it was useless, it was as if Magnus couldn’t hear him. 

  
“i...i can't...breathe...”

Alec hesitantly wrapped his arms around his shaking frame, he looked forward and thankfully the hospital was in his sight, they just had to get back quickly. 

  
Alec began to walk at a quickened pace, gently pulling Magnus with him, keeping him close and trying to warm him up as best he could. Gone was the strong, happy teen and instead Alec was cradling a shaking, scared boy was left. 

  
They made they’re way back slowly, ignoring the stares of everyone else; at this point, Alec didn’t care if they got caught, he just needed to get to their room, and fast.

They finally found their room once again, bursting in and shutting the door as if defending themselves against some great evil. It was at this point that he finally turned back to Magnus, who had made his way over to his bed and was now curled up against the wall. Alec could hear a small whimpering coming from him and it broke his heart.

He wasn’t alone, he wasn’t the only person who had felt what he felt and in the worst possible way, it comforted him. Breaking out of his trance, Alec ran into the bathroom, grabbing as many towels as he could before returning to the bedside of Magnus. 

  
He didn’t want to come to close, scared of causing more distress, but Alec decided it was better to at least try and dry him off. He picked the largest, softest towel he could find and lay it gently over Magnus’ shoulders. Alec was surprised to see him look up almost shocked, was it really that much of a surprise that he was helping him. He could see the tears threatening to fall from Magnus’ eyes and without thinking rushed up to sit beside him, pulling the shivering body close.

  
Though Alec had also been left drenched, he was able to shield himself mainly with his jacket. Once he had taken it off, Magnus seemed to lean into Alec, wrapping himself in both him and the blankets. Alec could still hear the irregular breath of the boy and felt his heart pang. He reached over and began to soothe the boy, whispering whatever he could to try and calm him down. He felt much like his mother whenever she would calm him down from a nightmare. He remembered those nights vividly and how she would stay up well into the night to make sure that he slept peacefully. 

  
Very slowly, he felt Magnus begin to calm down, his breath returning to normal and his body relaxing; falling into place with Alec’s. 

  
Alec looked over at Magnus, whose head was resting peacefully on his shoulder, watching his chest rise and fall with each, now controlled, breath. It was crazy to think that a week ago, this boy was a complete stranger to him and now they had both comforted one another, trusted in one another like they had with no one else. Alec trusted him, though he didn’t know why. 

  
Magnus lifted his head up just enough to meet eyes with Alec. He could see the tear marks rolling down his cheeks and Alec couldn’t help but reach up and brush them away. He noted how soft Magnus’ skin was, like heavenly silk. And his eyes, they were a lush golden colour, unlike any he had ever seen, they were perfect Alec thought. It was a shame when Magnus returned his gaze down, but Alec felt something.

He looked down to see Magnus’ pinkie finger nudging over to Alec’s own hand along the bed. Slowly, he followed suit and soon their hands were inches away. He felt as they locked their fingers together and Magnus’ head relaxed fully against his shoulder. They seemed to fit together perfectly. It felt right, if only he could...

  
“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU TWO BEEN!!!” 

  
The boys practically leapt off the bed at the sight of an extremely pissed off Cat as she burst through the door to the room. This day was not going well for them, at all.


	5. I want you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm not dead.
> 
> Sorry, I haven't updated literally since last year I hope this chapter will make up for it, I really hate writers block.  
> I may do Alec's perspective on this chapter but please let me know whether you would want that. 
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this so far, it's been great to hear from you all so far.

“Are you serious!?”

  
Magnus didn’t think he had ever seen Cat that angry before, sure he had discovered her limits before, but this was a whole new level. And to be honest, he kind of liked seeing the more human side of Cat. The one that finally said what she was truly thinking. She seemed more like a friend than a doctor, the kind that would shout at you for something stupid and laugh about it over drinks the next day, not that Cat would ever let him near alcohol. 

  
“Alec needed something that wasn’t colouring in some stupid colouring book like the rest of the kids here. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

  
Cat looked like she was holding back ever urge to jump over the desk and throttle him. 

  
“Big deal? How about the fact I come into your room after finding out you ran away, which is already a huge liability!

To then find out you’ve had another panic attack, which could have set you back weeks in therapy!

And to top it all off, you did all of that with a boy whose only been here a week AND whose father will most likely sue us if he finds out.”

  
For once in his life Magnus stayed quiet, he didn’t know what to say. He had already been here long enough to know he wasn’t leaving anytime soon; he had accepted that, but he couldn’t think about what he could have done to Alec.

Magnus didn’t want to admit it, but curiosity had got the better of him when Alec received that call, and although he couldn’t hear what they were saying he knew that was Alec's father that had left him in that state.

Sitting in the quiet long enough Magnus mustered up the courage to meet Cats eyes,

“if he finds out?”.

She let out a tired huff, dropping her head down, seemingly exhausted.

“well... technically I don’t need to tell him if I believe that it will do more harm than good... a certain loophole I created in the paperwork, but GOD is every bone in my body telling me to blame the whole thing on you.” 

  
Magnus had to admit he was grateful for Cat sometimes even though he liked to get under her skin. 

“Now if you promise you’re not gonna try and run away again you can go...

“Thanks Cat I....”

“...we are going to be late for the group session.”

Shit.

If there was one thing that Magnus hated more than getting yelled at by Cat, it was group therapy. As extroverted and open as Magnus was, he hated talking about his past, like hated it with a passion. Ever since he got here, he was forced to sit in that cult-like circle of chairs and listen to people drone on about their problems. Not that he didn’t care about them, most of the time he felt quite bad, they all seemed like they really needed the help and the angel in disguise that Cat was, she often was able to help them. No, the thing Magnus hated was when it came around for his turn to talk. Every week, he was asked to talk about his progress, his feelings, his life, and every week they were left with some elaborate answer that had nothing to do with it, often about fashion. To be honest most people who were in the group knew nothing about him but could list of his favourite brands of shirts by heart.

  
It wasn’t until he entered the bland room, closely followed by Cat, that he realised that there was a new member, of course, his roommate. He looked over to find Alec sitting quietly in his chair, not really paying attention to anyone.

Magnus began to walk over there until he felt a soft hand on his shoulder. He looked over to find Cat gesturing to a chair opposite to Alec,

“Magnus, for today can you sit here, I think you and Alec have had enough scheming for today.”

Magnus looked back at her with a look he could only describe as ‘Really?’. And as if that couldn’t get any worse, he watched, as taking his rightful place next to Alec, was Camille. 

  
So many times had Magnus wanted to rip that stupid smirk off her face but alas, he was on thin ice already, he didn’t need to waste his energy on that bitch. However, he was tempted when he saw her begin to talk to Alec, flipping her hair back with a fake laugh, was she seriously trying to flirt with him.

Magnus knew he shouldn’t care, he didn’t even know if Alec liked him back, but he was sure that something was there. As the others began to speak, going on about their pets or some stupid ice breakers, Magnus couldn’t help but think about Alec, staring at him from across the room. Ever since he had first seen him, Magnus couldn’t take his eyes off him, something about him seemed magnetic. 

  
“Don’t tell me you’ve got another crush in this hell hole.”

A gentle whisper said from beside him. Breaking him out of his trance, Magnus turned to his side to see Raphael smirking back at him.

“you know how the last one went.” He said, nodding towards the blonde she-devil sitting beside Alec. 

  
“First of all, me and Camille was a mistake, you should know that by now, and who says that I like Alec.” 

  
Raphael grinned even more, “you did when I caught you gawking at the kid just now and don’t think it's not obvious.” 

“shut up...”

  
“Magnus, why don’t you tell us what you were saying?”

  
“what?” Magnus looked up to see the room staring at him and Cat smirking back.

  
“Well you and Mr Santiago seem to be having a very in-depth conversation would you like to share with the group.”

  
Magnus opened his mouth to say something though he was quickly cut off by Cat once more,

“and I'm sure that it isn’t the latest in fashion as it usually is, considering Raphael is dressed like a nursing home.” The rest of the kids in the group snickered as Raphael leaned back in his chair, the smirk now absent from his face. 

  
“I was just talking... you know, catching up on....”

  
A cold, sickly voice interrupted him from across the room.

“Why don’t you tell us about what happened this morning, Magnus”

  
Everyone looked to where Camille was now sitting, a fake grin plastered on her face. 

  
“you sure looked pretty upset about a bit of water”

  
Fuck you Camille. Of course, she would bring this up, why wouldn’t she. And going by the look on Cats face, this wasn’t gonna be an easy one to get out of. 

  
“It was nothing, I...”

“Magnus, we can’t help if we don’t talk about it,”

Cat’s soft voice was all too familiar, yet so hard to argue against. It was like her secret weapon and she knew it; completely incapable of being angry at. 

  
“I just got upset, I'm fine now,”

Magnus’ face barely flickered, keeping the cool look about him. He knew not to let this get to him, but he couldn’t really help it; he could feel his foot begin to tap gently against the floor as he absentmindedly began to twist the rings on his fingers. 

  
“Do you want to tell us more? Maybe about...” 

  
“Why don’t you tell everyone about your little daddy issues Magnus?” Camille was enjoying this. Her smirk growing colder by the second. 

  
“Camille, I don’t think that’s appropriate.” Cat could sense the tension growing, everyone knew she hated Camille just as much as Magnus. But, of course, Camille didn’t care, she already had a gleam in her eyes. 

  
“Ohh come on.... or is Magnus worried he’s going to scare off the pretty boy...”

She turned to Alec who was now looking back and forth between the two. Magnus was tempted to try and catch his eye, but his face was turning red and now Alec knew. God, he should have just stayed away, he thought he would have learned from last time.

  
“What’s the matter Magnus...cat got your tongue?” 

  
“SHUT THE HELL UP CAMILLE!”

The room was silent, the sound of his chair scraping back echoed through the room, as he stood in the centre of the circle, staring furiously down at the girl, all too happy with herself. He could see beside her, now very alert, Alec staring back at him, his knuckles white from the grip on his chair. She saw as he looked over at Alec, her grin growing wider,

“See... you ruin everything.”

  
With the sight of Alec, scared, burned into his mind he turned, ignoring the calls from Cat behind him, and swiftly left the room. 

* * *

Somehow in his haze, he found his way back to the room and he wished he had never got that key card taken off him. Wouldn’t it just be better if he ran away, no one would have to care, and he could just dance away in nightclubs with his friends like he used to?

He slowly wandered over to the bed and crawled back onto his blankets, throwing aside the towels that reminded him of the horror of that morning.

  
It was a while before anyone came to the door, snapping Magnus out of his haze. The day seemed to have passed by and the sky was now a bright amber as the sun peeked through the window. Not that he could enjoy it with the grey bricked building in the way. 

  
A small knock came from the door, followed by the slight creak of its hinge.

  
“...Magnus?” 

  
He looked up to see the tentative figure of Alexander enter the room, his eyes scanning over him. Magnus quickly looked back down, picking at his nails that were now covered in a horrendous display of chipped polish. 

  
“I guessed that you probably want to be alone, I can leave if you want I just...” 

  
“You don’t have to act like you didn’t hear it...what she said...”

Magnus couldn’t see Alec's face, but he could imagine what it was. He was just waiting for the comments he’d heard before, many times before.

  
He stayed still while the sound of footsteps came nearer, almost froze and the bed dipped slightly as Alec sat down next to him, only inches apart. They sat in silence, each waiting for the other to speak first. As usual, Magnus was the first to break...

  
“Listen if you want to berate me for it then get it over with okay...”

He had hoped to sound tough, but the words came out in a low whisper, with Camille, the fights had been exhausting and he had already been through enough today.

  
“Why...why would I ever do that?”

Magnus stood from the bed, his hands grasping tight at his hair. He could feel fresh tears prick up in his eyes. 

  
“BECAUSE OF WHAT SHE SAID ALEC!”

His voice had become louder, filling the silence in the room. 

  
“I RUIN EVERYTHING AND I HAVE RUINED THIS! AND WHEN I THINK THAT I'M GETTING BETTER, I'M NOT...”

  
Alec stood up facing him, watching him in concern. Magnus could feel his cheeks becoming wet as the emotions overwhelmed him, his voice, however, lowering.

  
“... and I can have what I want cause I'm not allowed... I'm reminded every time that bitch enters the room...” 

  
His words slowly became quieter as he lowered his gaze from Alec.

  
“Magnus...I”

  
In one last inch of confidence, Magnus looked up meeting the eyes of the taller boy, his vision blurred by tears.

  
“I can’t have what want.... but I want you...”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I am intending on updating this with new chapters. As I said before if you have any ideas for chapters of plot points let me know, I have a basic idea but it can be changed if I like someones suggestion. I'm very active on checking comments so please don't be shy. :-)


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